Why then would I have dared to venture out among the chaos this past Saturday? (Yes, a Saturday no less!) I was one of those desperate parents. But I wasn’t desperate for toys or trinkets. I was desperate to be distracted. I was desperate for my mind to worry about anything other than what was in the forefront of my thoughts with large blinking, blaring lights. I didn’t want to think about loss or fear.
The afternoon before this bold step into Christmas shopping chaos I had planned on running quickly to the store. With the expectation of traveling for the children shortly after the New Year I constantly had something that I needed to pick up. I was waiting in the drive-thru getting my celebratory “I just got paid” coffee from Dunkin Donuts when I got a message alert on my phone from a friend online. “I'm hoping [agency] let you know about this,” it said mysteriously, “but sending it to you just in case since I know you are close to travel.” It was followed by a .gov link. My first thought was that it was some kind of travel warning, something to keep in mind while we were away. The contents of that link turned my world upside down in an instant. “[Our Agency’s Name] Temporarily Debarred” it shouted in the headline. What came next was only worse. “The Department of State temporarily debarred adoption service provider, [Our Agency] from accreditation on December16, 2016, for a period of three years. As a result of this temporary debarment, [agency] accreditation has been cancelled and it must immediately cease to provide all adoption services in connection with intercountry adoptions.”
What? WHAT? It could barely sink in. My heart was racing and I could feel a scream rising from my throat. What about my children? There I was, with thoughts running wild about the fate of our two precious children – and stuck in a drive-thru line (no way to sneak out, thanks Dunkin). I immediately called our agency representative and left a message. Then I had to call John. It felt horrible. It felt as if I were telling him we lost another child. At this moment, and for many moments through the following days, it felt like it did in the past – that like many of our children before, they were dying to us.
Our agency rep called us back shortly afterwards to confirm that it was all true. She told us that there was a contingency plan in place for occasions like this and that we would be getting more information by the following Wednesday or Thursday. Though it was not shared by the agency, as I was searching for information on why this happened I have confirmed some sad and frightening truths. Truths that I will not share here as for us, at this moment, the why is not as important as what we need to do to bring the children home. And should any of these truths prove rumors instead we would not want to be a part of it.
Being the weekend, there wasn’t much we could do. I sent off dozens of emails to other agencies and all recommended contacts (COA, CCCWA, state department, etc.). Then I had to sit back and wait. There was nothing I could do until businesses started to open on Monday.
That brings us back to the shopping mall. Where I took my daughter the next day to escape the reality of what this obstacle may or not mean to us. I stood in lines for nothing. I went up and down elevators just to make Ella smile. I got lost in the crowd.
Today is Wednesday and we don’t have any new news to share. I have spoken to our agency rep again yesterday and she said they will have news by Friday. I have also spoken to several other people involved and other agencies to get a handle on the situation. Should our agency not follow through as they are required, we have a contingency plan in place with other agencies. We have been assured by all involved that this will not affect whether we will bring Jack and Charlotte home, just when. However with the distrust now in place with our original agency it is hard not to fear the worst at times.
While we want to believe that we will have answers before Christmas, it’s hard to keep the faith. It’s hard to not let the devil steal our joy – especially when we should be preparing our hearts to celebrate the birth of Our Lord. As we know more about our situation we will let everyone know, but for now I do plead with you to join us as prayer warriors, not just for us, but for all the families and children affected. Lift up your voices to God. Ask that we are all filled with His grace and comfort. That we may have the strength to fight for our children – fight so fiercely for our someones so precious.