A fact of life that many people are aware of is that nothing turns out quite like you imagine. God throws curveballs in our lives, often times when we least expect it. Just when you think all your plans are in place – BAM! The unexpected happens. John and I have been working towards adoption for two years now and as of right before Christmas we sent the Adoption Agency the last of our Dossier paperwork. Our wonderful consultant was only waiting on these few papers so within days of us sending it in, it was on its way to Colombia to get translated. Once the paperwork is translated it is reviewed by the Colombian agencies and unless there is something in there that we don’t know about, we should get word within 4-6 weeks that we have been accepted by Colombia and we will be officially put on the waitlist.
From there the wait could be 4 months or it could be a year. There’s no telling when we get that exciting call telling us they found our children! This was our plan. This was what we had in place for a few beautiful days and all the world was right and good. Then…BAM!
This Deller sized curveball comes in the form of a tiny body, currently about the size of a lime (if you go by those wonderful pregnancy apps). It’s true ladies and gentlemen! Only days after we sent in the paperwork to the agency we found out that we were pregnant. Unfortunately for this little one the initial reaction wasn’t joy – it was more like “what the hell, God?” It took a little adjusting to accept the fact that all our well laid plans had changed. Understandably, I think, we went into panic mode for a short time. I was crying that I’d never see my Colombian kids, John was sitting there with his mouth open. Our world went a little upside-down for a few days.
Once we came back down to earth we began to do what Deller’s do best – adjust. The phones were busy for a while. John called the Agency and found out that our paperwork had already been sent to Colombia. Our consultant then gave us the peace of mind we needed – this will only put the adoption on hold. This was a huge relief. In our hearts God has already chosen our children in Colombia and it would break our hearts to have something stop bringing them into our family.
Next we called and set up our doctor’s appointments. In some ways it was easier to take care of the adoption questions first. Those were cut and dry and we knew that when we asked the questions, we would get the answers. This new little baby however, poses all kinds of questions and no answers. The reality was, and is, this is my fifth pregnancy and we have no children with us. The fear of going down the same path with this pregnancy was a very real and legitimate fear.
I don’t want to bore you with too much information, but as you can guess, we decided to try and keep everything quiet for the majority of the first trimester so we could focus on the baby’s health. We kept it quiet, with the exception of a few select confidants, until this past week when we visited all our families and shared the news. And now we are sharing the news with everyone. John and I are currently expecting a child and are just shy of 13 weeks along. The baby is fine and healthy and the danger of a miscarriage has passed at this point. To make sure that we don’t have infections and jump into pre-term labor like we did with Micah, starting at 15 weeks I will be having ultrasounds and exams every other week. There is a whole bunch of other proactive measures we are taking, but suffice to say this little bean is going to be under a microscope until the day he is born.
I want to take a small moment to address something that might be on a few of your minds. That would be the question floating around in your head, “don’t they know how you get pregnant by now? You know there are ways to avoid that.” I can understand this. And I want to give an explanation that might be better than the standard “we’re Catholic.” While making that statement does envelope the answer, it assumes that everyone understands what it means to be Catholic. John and I have made the decision in our lives to always be open to life. We believe that life begins at the moment of conception and that all life is sacred. After we lost Micah we made the choice to avoid pregnancy and to focus on the adoption. We do believe in avoiding pregnancy for valid reasons (health, financial reasons, etc.), but during this time it is also important to be open to God’s plan. Part of being open to life is welcoming it at all times. I say this not to preach or to change someone’s mind, but to give our family and friends a little more insight into how John and I live our lives and the reasons we make the decisions we do.
So where does that put us in the adoption? The adoption is on hold at the moment. Amazingly enough, it is at the perfect point to pause – had our documents not been sent to the country we could be looking at hundreds of dollars to update documents once the hold is taken off. Because they are already in Colombia, about a month after the baby is born (once I am declared fit to travel) we will call the agency and remove the hold. We should only have to make a slight amendment to the paperwork to indicate we have a new child and we will be right back to where we were. From there we will be looking at getting matched within the following 4 months – year, just as before.
Some of you are doing the math and are probably thinking we are crazy. We are going to travel to a foreign country with an infant to add two more young children to the household. Our first born will only be the oldest for a few months! I appreciate your worry if your worry comes from love. Be there for us, support us, and pray for my sanity as I become the mother of three small children in what will likely be less than a year’s time. If your worry is based on skepticism, if it is grounded in criticism, please keep it to yourself. Our decisions have been made with thought and prayer. It has been evident in our lives for some time that our family would not be built in the traditional way. But when I sit and look at the empty spots on our walls and think about our future family pictures, there is nothing more beautiful than what I see coming into our lives in the next few years.
So if our lives had to be summed up in a title of a book it would be: “What to Expect When Your Expecting and Then Going to Adopt Two Toddlers/Infants Several Months Later from a Foreign Country.” Hmm, title needs some work.
I had this blog sketched out a few weeks ago when I had a spare moment. My last paragraph was a bit aggressive and I decided it needed a rewrite. I have been so worried that people would view our choices in a negative light that I’ve been preparing myself to defend them. But since we’ve told our family, our work colleges, and our friends, I have been overwhelmed with the love and support that I’ve seen. It is going to take support from family and friends to get through the challenges ahead and through the responses we’ve gotten we know you have our backs!
That’s all for now. We are going to take this extra time as a gift and continue to save/fundraise for the adoption while we’re waiting for the little bean to arrive in August, so we’ll still be posting and telling people what’s going on. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers if you got the room – we could always use them.
And just in case you skimmed to the end of the blog to catch the point of this whole thing, WE’RE PREGNANT!! The Deller’s are expanding, and fast – so watch out, here we come!!!!